MISTRESS YANI

Well in case you haven’t noticed I have been a little m.i.a in the past few months. I’ve been traveling, kicking it with friends and being my fab self as usual. Well I’m back in the Chi- and pleased to announce that I am changing my Pro-Domme name to RHEA MILITIA. More about this amazing name change and other amazing things about me will be featured on my new website so stay tuned!

HA HA HA I am coming for you all! Yani worldnation on the rise! After my time of hibernation in the north country.. I am back to establish my FEMALE fortitude in the Gangster city. For many weeks I lay in my special hyper-meditative-sleep-chamber-carbo-loadtosis-incubation-detox- health manufacturer. Being force fed vegan stir frys through tubes inserted into my health gland.. and growing slowly more and more powerful! My cuteness level has continued to rise daily and currently exceeds that of previously established level 3 sexiness and level 6-7a celestialhottitude!! Suddenly muscles are popping out all over like some sort of hideous popeye nightmare!! “SWEET LORD!!” and “GOD BLESS AMERICA ” are what I hear being shrieked out at my every appearance. Now my blood is boiling and the wonder of my power must be unleashed on the unsuspecting pee-ons of Chicago.. hahahahahaha beware of my arrival in the coming week! Beware!

Why? WHY GOD WHY??????!!!!!!!! is my ass so fucking hot. I will be back in the Chi for the second week in April. Sessions should be booked in advance as always. Contact me for details. This ass isn’t going to drool over itself after all.

Wow Michigan in winter one word…. Bland. I really don’t think there is much of a Bdsm community here. Not that I can figure out anyway. It sucks. I am temporarily here due to recent unfortunate events. I would really love to be able to come back to the Chi.. But I can only do that if I can make some cash.. SSSOOOOOOO I am starting a Help Yani come back to Chicago Charity fund. If you miss me, feel bad for me, want to see my charmingly sadistic face, or just have cash falling out your ass that you don’t know what to do with.. HOOK ME UP! donate. All you need is my email addy and you can change my life for the better. This means a great deal to me and I would sincerely appreciate any funds you could donate to me. For security purposes I can’t post my email on this blog.. However if you are interested in donating contact me through the Holy Mountain website and I can tell you what it is.. Save me from my potential future as a mushy brained soccer mom living in West Michigan. Help me to keep doing what I love. I know you have it in you. All those who donate will receive from me an autographed pin-up photo. Some soiled undies and/ or socks, a discount on your next session with me, and my eternal gratitude. SAVE YANI. I also have a really incredible Painting for sale at HM. **cough** Someone should buy it. It really is a masterpiece. In other news I am completely blonde now, my armpits are very hairy and very smelly at this current point in time, I have to pee, The kid sitting next to me at the coffee shop just picked his nose and ate it, I am going home now to have a feast of soy meats and fresh fruit smoothie. xoxoxoxox Yanatronical

Robbed! This is the first chance I have been able to use the internet since I was robbed on Thusday.. My money is gone, my laptop is gone, and I don’t think I can live in Chicago anymore because I have no means to do so..in other words I am royaly screwed. The guy who robbed me is named Jason Tackett.his phone number is 312 617 7056. Please fuck with him…as much as possible. I don’t care what you do.. but know he has managed to mess my life up in a nasty nasty way. Let me say that If I had the chance to use a bull whip on his bare(and probably tiny) member..I would do so in a heartbeat. I do not know what the future holds for me but I may not be in Chicago for awhile..I will still be attending the art show so come and say hi.

Moving day is right around the corner, thankfully I don’t have tons of crap to move this time and the froginator is helping me.It seems like only yesterday I was moving out of another shady apartment. As I pack up my things I decided to take a sec and document some of my must-haves. Take notes people these are some of my favorite things. .. exhibit a. Carhartt. Growing up in Militiagan one has to do lots of shopping at Mijers. This means choosing from a delightful array of workwear, including my fave brand.I must have worn a carhartt hoodie to school every single day from grades 7-10. My dream is to own a carhartt jumpsuit that actually fits me(good luck finding one i’ve tried.) exhibit b. comme des garcons patchouli perfume. Originally dubbed” grandmachouli” by my goofy cohorts due to it’s initial stench of old lady..the scent has grown on me and the bottle is fucking amazing. C. Quite possibly one of the stupidest movies ever made. The reason I love it is because back when it first came out I arrived home one night to find out my own father had rented it. When I yelled out “dad, are you aware that you rented a movie starring method man???!!” I heard in a faraway voice from the other side of the house..”And redman!!!!” d. designer duffel bags. I know labels are meaningless and a bag is a bag..but it’s fun to have all my belongings shoved into super expensive travel gear. Mind you I have never paid for a designer bag in my life. The vuitton was left on the street by some stuck up old lady on Mich ave when the strap broke in the dead of winter.I of course scooped it right up. The chanel was given to me by a friend who found it at a backwoods alabama thrift store. I thought I would also include some other fun pics..Mistress Alice’s b-day and some eye candy just for you smooch smooch!

Laying in bed.Experiencing a carnival of emotions ranging from queasy to aroused. Listening to why by carly simon.WHY? great question. Another great question….Is king cobra EVER a good idea? It sure seemed like one last night when I was choosing inebriation material. MISTRESS ALICE’s b-day Par-tay is happening tonight. Come..it shall be fun. Don’t be a cheap fuck and not get her nice prezzies either. Only GOOD ONES! Feel free to also bring me some alka seltzer. Some of you may or may not know this already..but Our dear friend lambchop celebrated turning 10,000 days old recently by shaving his entire body. I mean EVERYTHING. I know because I was one of the shavers. Here are some funny photos of his hairdo before we shaved it all off. I am also fortunate enough to recently procure a diva cup. This is a handy dandy little flexible plastic cup that traps menstrual blood. No more tampons! Can you imagine the neato things that can be done with this? I SURE CAN! The best part is dumping it out after all. Thanks Lambchoppy. Fuck hangovers. I need a hair of the little doggy. I also need to get out of bed now and start to function. -xox

Now normally I hate valentines day.. I believe it is a fake-ass holiday invented to guilt people into buying more stupid crap in order to prove they have “love” in their lives. However my cold cold heart was warmed up this weekend when I realized that valentines day doesn’t have to be about buying things, watching sappy movies, or even drunkenly trying to hook up with someone at the last minute. It can be about DOING things you love…Like spitting loogies off a balcony, threatening to stab people, getting several free cab rides for looking cute, and getting baked with friends while watching cartoons. All of these things gave me the best valentine’s day I’ve had in years. It would be enhanced even more if I had say.. a beachfront villa in Jamaica right now.. but whatever I have my spongebob pipe, my plastic bikini, and hours and hours of dub reggae to listen to which is almost as awesome. My friend tells me that in Jamaica when women want to settle a beef, they get stark naked and beat each other with bamboo canes in the street. I like this Idea. I need two of you to be my Jamaican girls. Oil up and start ta fightin’ !!Circle around and spit on the ground, and yank hair out and shit.. now that is what I consider a hot Valentine’s day. Well time for me to sign off and start my tropical retreat. I leave you with a little picture of me.. the coat is made of human hair.I like how my current hair color matches the coat perfectly.xox-Yani

To the East side…of Pilsen that is. I hope. I am currently looking for apartments there if anyone has any leads on good ones let me know. Winter sucks. I know I am expressing a thought that many of you know well enough about already but I don’t care. I hate it. Right about this time of year.. after a big snow.. I just get pissed off and depressed. SSooo CCOOLLDD. AAHH. The only think I can think of to make m feel better is a trip to the sauna and 20 minutes in a tanning booth. The house starts to smell of stale air.. no amount of booze,nor hot cocoa nor layers of wool clothing can extinguish this cold blue flame inside of me. What I need is the sight of palm trees and heat so intense I get blisters on my back. Shit someone take me to key lime cove or great wolf lodge or something!! I can pee on you in the lazy river or scare kids by glaring at them. I want to sip over-priced sugary tropical blue drinks while gambling poolside. I want to order revolting amounts of room service and made you answer the door wearing a prosthetic vagina artfully applied to your forehead. When I do move out of my place I am going to need some lucky lucky person to clean it for me. I know some of you reading this just got all wiggly and hot n bothered. I mean spotless. You can lick the floor kind of clean. Any takers? Email me.

I was just thinking about how happy I would be to get my tat spruced up a bit. I want to add some elements to it..make it bigger ect. The pain always leaves you wanting more..Pain is tasty like that isn’t it? Speaking of pain I feel like breaking plates on someone’s head. I think the best way to go about it would be wrapping your head up with plastic wrap, selecting a very fine and expensive set of bone china, Making you polish every inch of it with your tongue, Making you serve tea and crumpets on the freshly polished china to myself and another one of my lovely priestess friends, and then mashing tea and treats into your face as we smash all the china to smithereens on your head. Then make you clean it up of course..Good subs know their duty. I am delighted with the recent ropes course! I feel way more confident about suspension now! I will grace you with a pic. On my new website you will be able to purchase more of this series and other photos of me that I consider to cool to be free. Have a good friday! xo